Review: Madea’s Witness Protection

Hey, look, it’s a review of Madea’s Witness Protection!

I’m going to assume nearly everyone who reads this doesn’t watch or care about Tyler Perry movies, and I’m not really going to discourage that continued lack of interest. Perry does fascinate me, though. I was convinced to at least give his movies a shot by this wonderful and interesting article over at Badass Digest, and have since gone and watched all of his movies. What is a man to do with so much terrible knowledge? See the new movies in the theater!

Read the review for some thoughts about the movie specifically, I’m instead going to talk about my showing. Friday, 11 AM, surprisingly full (like 30 people?). Woman sits down in my row, pulls out a battery operated fan that she uses to cooler herself off, sounding like she just whipped out a vibrator in public. I already know I’m in for magic. I was right!

She spent the rest of the movie nearly dying with coughing laughter at most of the jokes, turning the fan back on when things really got going, hooting a “Oh lord this is OUTRAGEOUS!” from time to time. Once her phone even rang, which she answered and proclaimed loudly into “I CANT TALK IM WATCHING MADEA! I’M AT MADEA!!” In a prime example of life imitating art, a far less enthusiastic (and also white, if you want to go there, and certainly the movie does so let’s go ahead) woman nearby was not amused by this at all, and proceeded to try to shush the woman, who loudly declared “You go on and quit your shushing? How you expect folks not to enjoy Madea!?”

Some of you are probably horrified, I was laughing nearly as hard at this exchange as I was at the funnier parts of the movie (which, yes, I found funny even if I thought it was terrible. Assuming I’ll believe Denise Richards would marry Eugene Levy and complain about not getting sex is too absurd not to laugh at). This was basically the perfect showing. That lady loved that movie, and bless her for doing so, and I hope that I run across people just like her every other time I go to one of these movies. I get as fussy as anyone when a crowd is being unruly at a movie out of turn, but … come on. That was AMAZING.

Anyway, that’s my anecdote. I assume nobody cares what I think about Tyler Perry movies (and certainly my editor said as much when I offered to cover it). Click the link above and prove her wrong, even if you don’t stay for my comparisons to Ed Wood.

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About M

Artist, ne'er do well, militant queer.
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